just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
