i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
