girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry about my life...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
