I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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