Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She even gives head with a lisp.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
