I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
