Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
