PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
