do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize