I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
