Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
