i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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