I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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