Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
