there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
