My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
