His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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