i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
