perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
