Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
