Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
