How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you win again, gameday.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
