dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
