and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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