Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
