He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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