We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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