I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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