i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The struggles of a small town man whore
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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