Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
