Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
tell me about the fingering
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