So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
