John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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