Already got asked if we're dating
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
