I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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