You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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