everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
