I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
