so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
