K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
