So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
