Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
