i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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