I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
