OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
