I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
