Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
