My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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