just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
