So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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