he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
