He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
