Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
