a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
