Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
