respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
