Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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