C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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