Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
