belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
