You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
