It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
