This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
