i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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