Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
