your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
