If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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