Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
