Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
