I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
