Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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